The Story of A
A had always been the perfect daughter. Growing up in a strict household, she learned early on that compliance was the key to avoiding conflict. Her parents, well-meaning but overbearing, had mapped out every aspect of her life. From the clothes she wore to the subjects she studied; every choice was made for her. As a result, A developed a keen ability to anticipate and meet the expectations of others, but she rarely paused to consider her own desires.
Upon entering college, A found herself struggling. For the first time, she was faced with choices she had to make independently. What major should she pursue? Which clubs should she join? These decisions, seemingly simple for her peers, were daunting for A. She realized she had little understanding of her own preferences and self.
Studies show that human beings possess an inherent need to define their individuality and express their autonomy. This process of self-development is intrinsically tied to the choices we make and the lessons we learn from their outcomes. If an individual is conditioned solely to comply with external directives, their capacity to understand their own preferences, desires, and aspirations is severely hampered.
Here is another case how B’s father and mother, helped her with her choices and decision making when she was a child.
Model Decision-Making: The mother discussed her grocery shopping decisions with B, explaining why she chose certain items over others. The father reflected on his work decisions and shared his thought process with B.
Encourage Independence: B’s parents gave her the responsibility to decide her weekend activities, guiding her to consider factors like time, resources, and preferences.
Teach Critical Thinking: During family dinners, the parents posed open-ended questions about daily decisions, encouraging Ranjana to think critically and articulate her reasoning.
Provide Guidance: When B was unsure about joining a new sports team, her parents discussed the pros and cons with her but let her make the final decision.
Encourage Reflection: After B decided to join the team, they reflected on the experience, discussing what she enjoyed and what she found challenging.
Teach Values: The parents consistently talked about their family’s values, emphasizing kindness, responsibility, and honesty, and how these values influenced their choices.
Safe Space for Mistakes: When B made a poor decision about how to spend her allowance, her parents used it as a learning opportunity, discussing what she could do differently next time without scolding her.
Problem-Solving Skills: They taught B a problem-solving framework and practiced it together with small household issues, like deciding how to organize a outing.
Early in life when children are given the power of choice, it nurtures their self-esteem and also prepares them for more significant decisions in the future.